Margin, or Lack of It

Mothering, life, my husband's schedule, over committing, whatever it may be, is kicking my butt today. 

I've got chores to attend to and no good reason to be writing other than a good old fashioned cyber vent.  That and an excuse to put my feet up and delay chores just a little longer.

I think I over committed this week and I'm irritated I can't do it all.  Can't race out of town and back into town, invite a new friend over for a playdate and expect to have the house pulled together on time, prepare home cooked meals, keep up with laundry, add a work-from-home commitment to my week, support a husband who is coaching mid baseball season (ie. looong work weeks), and add in a few extras, all at the same time.

Oh, and did I mention be an attentive mother for my kids?  Yeah, that too.

Since moving, this problem has been more rare than common.  I have, for the most part, had plenty of empty spaces to keep up with all that a mother is required to keep up with.  I can generally juggle potty accidents and temper tantrums and late nights from my husband without causing steam to come out my ears, because I have had plenty of margin to accommodate life having hiccups and kids being kids.

Prior to moving, falling on the couch at the end of the night was my norm.  I had a full (too full?) social life, lots of family commitments, a part time job, and a husband with very long hours.  I also had a one year old and, well, anyone with a one year old who doesn't fall on the couch exhausted at the end of the night must know something I don't. 

There are pieces I love of both lives.   The full one (without much margin) and the quieter life I have been living as of late.

I'm glad to have several social events on my calendar this week - life in Michigan has been eerily void of them.  But honestly, I'm a crappy mom when I have too much going on.  My kids are playing and I am adding up the number of minutes their mess is going to take to clean up.  They want me to read a book and I am barely paying attention to the words I am reading, much less them, as I am thinking of the million things on my to-do list.  And I can't say I was very pleasant at bedtime when all I wanted them to be was asleep. 

Ugh to me.  No snazzy conclusions tonight.  Just a little vent and back to my chores for now, where I may or may not have the energy to think about how I want to structure my life and how I can be a better mom.  Come to think of it, I will definitely not be doing that tonight.  I'm going to save it for another night when I have the energy and margin to do so.