As a reader, a friend, a human being, I crave vulnerability. When I decided to homeschool, I was hoping to discover a completely transparent blog that would provide full disclosure about what I was getting myself into. More than that, I crave flesh and bones in front of me that offer transparency, not necessarily about homeschooling, but about what makes us each human.
As a writer, a friend, a human being, offering vulnerability comes tempered with trepidation.
I promised myself to write honestly about our schooling experience, because, as a reader, I desired it. Then arrives yesterday. Yesterday was a complete fail in all areas I have decided to pursue, and I can understand why others seldom decide to take up their failing days as worthy blog material. Who wants to proclaim - for the world to read and criticize - their most awful days? Who wants to announce one of the areas they have decided to pursue (in my case, homeschooling) and then follow up a month later with their colossal failure of that pursuit? Not I, not I.
I wonder, now on the writing end, if there isn't a sense of appropriateness in keeping blogs less than vulnerable, for out of contexts of relationships, spears of judgement glide more freely. As a reader, I have to remind myself this. What I see is - in most cases - the best foot forward.
Yesterday was my worst foot forward. My children were a mess, I was a mess, it was not a pretty picture. The crescendo of our day was missed soccer practice because my six year old was throwing a temper tantrum about having to look for his shin guards himself, despite me telling him exactly where I thought he would very likely find them. Yes, he was obviously overtired, not to mention a fierce fit thrower since birth. And yes, I thought this a great opportunity to remind him that not too long ago he threw fits because I insisted he wipe his own butt.
Yesterday schooling was a disaster. C whined all through math. He fought with his brother while I tried reading thrilling history to him. In a moment of creative inspiration I decided we would create outdoor cave art to fit with our history unit. There were a good three minutes of picture worthy moments in the midst of the activity, and then I was yelling about the filthy hands and clothes that were making their way through the doors all along my hallway walls. Yesterday I forgot about a science worksheet that was due today for class, so five minutes before bedtime I was fighting unsuccessfully to have my child write "invertebrate" on the necessary lines.
Yesterday.
ended.
It is truly the most wonderful thing about yesterday. It ends.
And I am given a gift of today.
I begin bowing low.
Because I have to, because I'm desperate, because I can't pull off anything worth anything on my own.
Then I look up.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes for the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."
I start again.
I remind myself to refocus on building character, not trying too hard to check things off of my list of accomplishments. I mentally slow down, emotionally slow down. Remind myself that sibling fights are opportunities, not interruptions (I know, I know, overly idealistic sounding and much easier said than done). I remind myself that it is normal for my six year old to pawn off any responsibility on me that he possibly can and it is my job to gently pass it back to him. I discuss with the boys what would happen if I didn't require them to do things appropriate for their age. I would still be wiping butts and spoon feeding. C seems to find this worth a laugh.
We head off this morning to a formal two hour class, each of us departing to our own classrooms.
We return home, sit down and school, and C insists on "beating his record" of number of math pages accomplished in one sitting. And there, in the midst of his math beating record, we have the following conversation, that overrides nearly every bad parenting moment to date.
"Mom, [my friend] was making fun of the blind girl in our class."
My stomach drops, for the sake of the girl, for fear of what happened next.
"He did?!" I ask, incredulously. "What did he say?!"
"She said 'Why do I always have to be at the end of the line' and he said (with attitude) 'Because you are blind.' "
I'm nearly in tears at the injustice of it all when I ask "And what did you do?"
"I said '[Friend's name], that's not nice."
And there in those three simple words is my most proud momma moment. Because my extremely timid son, who only seems to rear his strong head in temper tantrum moments, who is too scared to sit in a dark movie theater, my same son who was deathly frightened the entire drive to his first t-ball practice three months ago, decided to have courage when it mattered most by speaking three simple words to stand up for someone else.
I am so stinkin' proud.
My day of parenting ends when this same son says yes to his little brother's request to snuggle in bed with him and the two fall asleep side by side.
Today is dripping in grace. I only recognize it to be grace because today sits just hours from yesterday. Yesterday, brimming over with messes and chaos and reminders of what little I can accomplish on my own. But ended, nevertheless.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Saturday, September 7, 2013
And We're Off!
I told myself a month ago when I blogged our first "we're homeschooling" announcement that I was going to write honestly about homeschooling.
In the weeks and months leading up to our decision I would scour homeschooling blogs trying to get an honest feel for what their lives were like (knowing blogs are a very small sliver of the story of someone's life). I emailed everyone I know who homeschools to find out more about what I might be getting into. My b.f.f. homeschools, but she also loves babies (I kind of don't love babies - does that make me awful?), nursing (threw a party when I was done), noise & constant activity (I swear she thrives off of both. I prefer endless silence), and, well, a lot of things I don't. So despite a long list of reasons I had for wanting to homeschool, I wondered if maybe it wasn't for me. I need parenting breaks and quiet and...breaks. I wondered "Is everyone who homeschools extroverted or are people just not writing about how horribly tiring and awful it is?!"
All that to say, if it is horrible and awful, I will TRY to be as forthright as possible about the realities of day to day life.
However! All that to say...
We are three (yes, only three) days in and I am loooving it. Loving it. For sure up there in favorite days of parenting.
It's probably the honeymoon phase. I ran around with Christmas glee getting all set up, hanging signs and organizing books. I have been reveling in checking off our little schedule and daily plans as we go along. I'm loving our routine, the intentional nature of our days, and sharing moments of learning together. Monday C goes to a program from 8am till 3pm and I am actually disappointed to have to wait until Tuesday to get back to our routine. I am realistic enough to know that we might not love this forever, but excited enough about it now to want to post our delightful three days thus far...
In the weeks and months leading up to our decision I would scour homeschooling blogs trying to get an honest feel for what their lives were like (knowing blogs are a very small sliver of the story of someone's life). I emailed everyone I know who homeschools to find out more about what I might be getting into. My b.f.f. homeschools, but she also loves babies (I kind of don't love babies - does that make me awful?), nursing (threw a party when I was done), noise & constant activity (I swear she thrives off of both. I prefer endless silence), and, well, a lot of things I don't. So despite a long list of reasons I had for wanting to homeschool, I wondered if maybe it wasn't for me. I need parenting breaks and quiet and...breaks. I wondered "Is everyone who homeschools extroverted or are people just not writing about how horribly tiring and awful it is?!"
All that to say, if it is horrible and awful, I will TRY to be as forthright as possible about the realities of day to day life.
However! All that to say...
We are three (yes, only three) days in and I am loooving it. Loving it. For sure up there in favorite days of parenting.
It's probably the honeymoon phase. I ran around with Christmas glee getting all set up, hanging signs and organizing books. I have been reveling in checking off our little schedule and daily plans as we go along. I'm loving our routine, the intentional nature of our days, and sharing moments of learning together. Monday C goes to a program from 8am till 3pm and I am actually disappointed to have to wait until Tuesday to get back to our routine. I am realistic enough to know that we might not love this forever, but excited enough about it now to want to post our delightful three days thus far...
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| And it begins! |
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"1st" pancakes to celebrate the first day!
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| A slight teacher fail to try to have my non writer write this many words on the first day. But who can stand to not have such a darling memory keeper? And "Something I really like: MOM" ?!?! I promise I did not prompt him!!! |
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| This little penguin gives me 25 minutes of silence every afternoon while the boys read/look at books on their beds. |
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| A delightful pile of books to call Science?! What's not to love?? |
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| The very end of my day my husband shocked me by bringing home these (complete with the Hulk in the background) |
Friday, August 30, 2013
Farewell to Summer
It is with mixed emotions that I sigh goodbye to my most favorite of seasons. I anxiously count the weeks until sunshine fills every crevice and pool days are plentiful. I soak up and love nearly every minute.
Crocs and flip flops have filled our days, and our activities turnover as quickly as we slip on our shoes.
Eventually I do crave schedules, routine, and the ability to breath between activities. I'm thankful we say farewell with full plates and memories to savor.
My highlights:
>99.9% of my highlights include people I love, as few things matter more to me than relationships. But full disclosure, when I think of summer, one of the first memories that pops into my head is a solitude Saturday when hubby had the boys and I had a paintbrush and an old shelf to paint away in the sunshine. Ahhh.
Besides THAT single solitary moment (one of the few in the last 6 years post pregnancy),
I treasure these:
>Commemorating the start of summer with backyard camping. I hold tender memories of our first Michigan summer in this home and our first summer with a tiny yard
>Watching little Chuck swim across the pool on his own -without floaties - for the first time
>Watching this three year old jump fearlessly off the diving board
>Walking out of the airport in Guatemala to see my brother's face in the crowd of Guatemalans (right next to a sign that said "Big Ass Party" -- in English. (I'm glad we went home with my brother's driver))
>Strawberry picking with my college roomie
>Relaxing with a gluten free beer at a play date with two of my best friends. The beer was good, but the friends were much better.
(Picture unavailable as it would incriminate us as mothers...use your imagination)
>Camping with my in-laws! This is what 10 kids six and under look like:
>Cousin visit with lots of fun packed in
>Good ol' Wisconsin Dells, as cheesy as they come. We obviously only wore these clothes for the picture, then it was back into our cutoff tanks and jean shorts. Love my fam. All 12 of us under one roof.
>Lest our suitcases get lonely, we left town one last time to help marry off a cousin. Late night with the girls, ridiculous laughter with family. Ahh...my heart is full just thinking of it.
>And, last but not least, the little in between moments like this one that declare summer, childhood, carefree days, and the preciousness of having a brother to play with that never fails to make my heart skip a beat
Crocs and flip flops have filled our days, and our activities turnover as quickly as we slip on our shoes.
Eventually I do crave schedules, routine, and the ability to breath between activities. I'm thankful we say farewell with full plates and memories to savor.
My highlights:
>99.9% of my highlights include people I love, as few things matter more to me than relationships. But full disclosure, when I think of summer, one of the first memories that pops into my head is a solitude Saturday when hubby had the boys and I had a paintbrush and an old shelf to paint away in the sunshine. Ahhh.
Besides THAT single solitary moment (one of the few in the last 6 years post pregnancy),
I treasure these:
>Commemorating the start of summer with backyard camping. I hold tender memories of our first Michigan summer in this home and our first summer with a tiny yard
>Watching little Chuck swim across the pool on his own -without floaties - for the first time
>Watching this three year old jump fearlessly off the diving board
>Strawberry picking with my college roomie
>The Critter Barn + a visit from Grandma
>Relaxing with a gluten free beer at a play date with two of my best friends. The beer was good, but the friends were much better.
(Picture unavailable as it would incriminate us as mothers...use your imagination)
>Camping with my in-laws! This is what 10 kids six and under look like:
>Cousin visit with lots of fun packed in
>Good ol' Wisconsin Dells, as cheesy as they come. We obviously only wore these clothes for the picture, then it was back into our cutoff tanks and jean shorts. Love my fam. All 12 of us under one roof.
>Lest our suitcases get lonely, we left town one last time to help marry off a cousin. Late night with the girls, ridiculous laughter with family. Ahh...my heart is full just thinking of it.
>And, last but not least, the little in between moments like this one that declare summer, childhood, carefree days, and the preciousness of having a brother to play with that never fails to make my heart skip a beat
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Yep, I'm a Terrible Mom
Often.
And despite the never ending stream of articles I keep reading that tell me I'm not a terrible mom, I am enough, I am fabulous, wonderful, not matter what.
I know the truth.
I sometimes suck.
Like the last two months straight of deciding five minutes before dinner what I would feed my kids, then shoving random crap at them to keep them from saying they were hungry. Let's see, my recent line up of meals has included: left over Wendy's crackers for lunch, fish crackers for breakfast, cereal for dinner, and several other forms of crappy white bleached flour disguised as a meal. This is not feeding my kids, people. I know better! I have a couple options in these moments. Pull up an "I'm okay, you're okay" article and move along with life or - as I did last night - stumble onto a TED video about the importance of healthy food for our kids, and get a good kick of mommy guilt. The mommy guilt motivated me to drag my kids to the local grocery store this morning, let them pick out fruits and veggies for lunch, and go home to make kale chips.
Following this kale making process I became somewhat terrible mom yet again when N's consistent whining made the room spin around me. I literally forced the boys outside without me (which may or may not be terrible, considering N is only three). And when the whining came back indoors I was growling at him through my teeth (which I thought was fairly calm under the circumstances). In my most terrible of moments, well, even I don't want to be around me. When hubby walked in the door I started unraveling at him, but quickly realized it was less-than-stellar-mom taking over. I was tempted to label myself as deserving, look-what-I-put-up-with mom and give my husband an earful. He got half an earful before I realized arguing with my husband in front of the kids is the worst and most difficult to break of my terrible mom-isms. So I put on my running shoes for the first time in...7 years?...and ran a decent mile. Pretty proud if I can say so myself. My three bowls of ice cream afterwards rounded the evening out nicely.
I appreciate the concept behind the "you're not a terrible mom" type articles. My most savored moment of the last month was sitting with a cup of coffee with eight other women who each confessed their worst mom moment of the week.
It was like a unwrapping birthday gifts.
In the moments of vulnerability it was as if each woman was saying: "You are not alone. You are not the only woman who looks around at others and thinks 'what do they have that I don't have? How is she pulling off three kids so smoothly when I am a train wreck with two?" ' Come to find out, three is not as much a piece of cake as I assumed from the outside looking in. Turns out, I am not the only who loses her cool trying to get everyone out the door to be somewhere on time. In the moments of truth I learned I'm not the only woman whose arm hairs raise with insecurity about my house cleaning skills when my mom or mother-in-law walk into my home. {not because of my mom or m.i.l. specifically, I might add, just because I suck at cleaning, which stands in stark contrast to both of them}
But what made the confessions so sweet was the heart of "this is not what I want to choose." The tears accompanying the admission of coming home from work and losing it within five minutes, knowing that is not the type of mom she wants to be.
I can find solace in knowing that you lose your cool with your kids too. But ultimately I want to call yelling at my kids what it is - terrible parenting - and be adult enough to chose another course of action in the next moment.
And following that, I am going to tuck my kids into bed in their un-bathed, disgusting feet (who cares if the sheets aren't clean anyways?), let N skip brushing his teeth for the night because it is my most dreaded moment of the day, snuggle them tightly, read to them, let them know I love them dearly, and call it what it is - a wonderful mommy moment.
{okay, okay, I actually have appropriate Mommy guilt about the teeth brushing. darn that guilt. I would much rather skip teeth brushing guiltlessly!}
Thursday, June 27, 2013
So, We Decided To...
First things first: there are some basic rules in life. They include "do not drink caffeine at 10pm unless you want to be up at 1:40 in the morning." I did not want to be up at 1:40 in the morning, but since I did want to finish some work due tomorrow morning (wait, THIS morning), and I was falling asleep at my computer with an hour left of work to do, 10 pm caffeine it was.
Which leaves me left in these in between days hours that suck up time into the wasteland of pointlessness. Use my valuable time to finish the pile of dishes that didn't fit into the dishwasher's first round. Hell, no. Not at 1 am. Finish thank you cards, clean up the boys' toys, pack for the overseas trip around the corner? No, no and no. Let hours be sucked into the wasteland of internet pointlessness. Yes!
Now that first things are covered, let's move on to my important announcement:
We decided to...
be those really crazy people who homeschool! (Yes, people who use the word hell sacrilegiously are still allowed to homeschool. Actually, I only just used the word hell because I spent the last hour reading Jen Hatmaker's absolutely hilarious blog posts like this one, and her irreverent use of speech seeped into my brain and is being spit back out as I type.)
I should rephrase that last statement:
We decided to attempt - for one year - to be those really crazy people who homeschool.
Why, you might ask? Why did I decide to go partly insane and have both children at my side throughout the day without end? Many, many reasons, but they require my trial year to be over before I go putting them out there just to be thrown back in my facewhen if I decide to call it quits after year one. (We are three weeks into summer and I've already almost quit half a dozen times! not kidding.)
One thing I will say is that we are not, not, not homeschooling because we are afraid of something in the school systems. Shoot, that's not true. The school around the block from us cancelled kindergarten's playing of tag at recess because it was too sexual, so yes, I guess I was afraid of my son in that scenario. What I mean is that we are not afraid of "culture." I'm not afraid my son will be taught that some families have two mommies. Some families do have two mommies. At some point he does need to know this and know how to respond respectfully! I am not afraid he will be taught the world evolved. I don't believe this conflicts with the existence of God and it doesn't scare me to have my son be forced to think. I could go on, but I probably shouldn't have gotten started on a rant here...
Aren't I worried my kids will have serious social problems? Exactly what I was thinking!! In fact, when the option came up I emailed my very first concern to a well respected home schooling mom. "what if they can't navigate the world socially?!" I asked. She basically told me - at least, what I took from it - is that there are more important things to worry about in life than how socially cool my kids become. True, true.
Beyond that, there are plenty of people who went through public schools that have social problems, potentially myself included. And sometimes those social problems developed in school years are much, much worse than not being quick witted enough in a social setting. Plus the fact that there are so many homeschooling social opportunities around us I'm afraid we won't even have time to SCHOOL (which is the point of course), that no, I am not worried.
And why did I not tell you this in person? If you are a good enough friend that I should have told you this in person, you will just have to accept my cyber apology that 1.5 months into our decision I have yet to figure out how to keep homeschooling from being a conversation stopper. I mean, my husband mentioned it to a co-worker who said "you're not going to let your wife do that, are you?!", to which my husband graciously responded that it was our decision that we made together (If he was awake at 2am now like I am I would make out with him all over again just on account of being so supportive of me with that one line!) As you can see, it is not always received as the most normal of options. I would much rather hide behind my computer screen so that when I see you again you can pretend I am still normal and I can pretend you aren't thinking "huh???"
I will also say, I happen to have quite the list of amazing mommas with amazing kids - both young and grown - who have done this homeschooling so well that they have dispelled the "huh???" from my original thinking.
So...that's that.
I'm off to make another attempt to sleep with caffeine still in my blood.
p.s. one more thing - if you are a mom who would rather do anything than homeschool and know it is in no way for you, I highly recommend "Going Public." It is an excellent book about how your kids can thrive in the public schools. I do believe we both can make totally different decisions and still both be right. I support you!
Which leaves me left in these in between days hours that suck up time into the wasteland of pointlessness. Use my valuable time to finish the pile of dishes that didn't fit into the dishwasher's first round. Hell, no. Not at 1 am. Finish thank you cards, clean up the boys' toys, pack for the overseas trip around the corner? No, no and no. Let hours be sucked into the wasteland of internet pointlessness. Yes!
Now that first things are covered, let's move on to my important announcement:
We decided to...
be those really crazy people who homeschool! (Yes, people who use the word hell sacrilegiously are still allowed to homeschool. Actually, I only just used the word hell because I spent the last hour reading Jen Hatmaker's absolutely hilarious blog posts like this one, and her irreverent use of speech seeped into my brain and is being spit back out as I type.)
I should rephrase that last statement:
We decided to attempt - for one year - to be those really crazy people who homeschool.
Why, you might ask? Why did I decide to go partly insane and have both children at my side throughout the day without end? Many, many reasons, but they require my trial year to be over before I go putting them out there just to be thrown back in my face
One thing I will say is that we are not, not, not homeschooling because we are afraid of something in the school systems. Shoot, that's not true. The school around the block from us cancelled kindergarten's playing of tag at recess because it was too sexual, so yes, I guess I was afraid of my son in that scenario. What I mean is that we are not afraid of "culture." I'm not afraid my son will be taught that some families have two mommies. Some families do have two mommies. At some point he does need to know this and know how to respond respectfully! I am not afraid he will be taught the world evolved. I don't believe this conflicts with the existence of God and it doesn't scare me to have my son be forced to think. I could go on, but I probably shouldn't have gotten started on a rant here...
Aren't I worried my kids will have serious social problems? Exactly what I was thinking!! In fact, when the option came up I emailed my very first concern to a well respected home schooling mom. "what if they can't navigate the world socially?!" I asked. She basically told me - at least, what I took from it - is that there are more important things to worry about in life than how socially cool my kids become. True, true.
Beyond that, there are plenty of people who went through public schools that have social problems, potentially myself included. And sometimes those social problems developed in school years are much, much worse than not being quick witted enough in a social setting. Plus the fact that there are so many homeschooling social opportunities around us I'm afraid we won't even have time to SCHOOL (which is the point of course), that no, I am not worried.
And why did I not tell you this in person? If you are a good enough friend that I should have told you this in person, you will just have to accept my cyber apology that 1.5 months into our decision I have yet to figure out how to keep homeschooling from being a conversation stopper. I mean, my husband mentioned it to a co-worker who said "you're not going to let your wife do that, are you?!", to which my husband graciously responded that it was our decision that we made together (If he was awake at 2am now like I am I would make out with him all over again just on account of being so supportive of me with that one line!) As you can see, it is not always received as the most normal of options. I would much rather hide behind my computer screen so that when I see you again you can pretend I am still normal and I can pretend you aren't thinking "huh???"
I will also say, I happen to have quite the list of amazing mommas with amazing kids - both young and grown - who have done this homeschooling so well that they have dispelled the "huh???" from my original thinking.
So...that's that.
I'm off to make another attempt to sleep with caffeine still in my blood.
p.s. one more thing - if you are a mom who would rather do anything than homeschool and know it is in no way for you, I highly recommend "Going Public." It is an excellent book about how your kids can thrive in the public schools. I do believe we both can make totally different decisions and still both be right. I support you!
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Camping Out
aka, how to have fun while spending none.
aka, our first summer weekend.
Since this week marked the last day of kindergarten (sob, sob), we were ready for some summer fun!
What started as plans for a spontaneous weekend away squeezed between two weeks of visitors turned sharply when money was tallied and housework to-be-done was assessed. And when we realized possible rain made real camping too risky, not to mention an insane amount of work, we opted for:
Yes, the building you are seeing is our neighbor's garage. We decided to camp out in our own backyard. Our very teeny tiny backyard, I should add. In a city. Where it's illegal to have a firepit. Yep, that's where we camped.
Our tent is what, 5 feet from the back of our house?
We cooked dinner, smores, and breakfast on our outdoor grill. We don't even own an outdoor table that seats more than two, but look what can be done with a little creativity and logs we've yet to take care of. And if you look closely, you will see that while Daddy was setting up the tent, Nolan decided to paint his face and clothes with chalk.
Despite how pathetic this all sounds, the boys climbed into the tent after a very, very fun evening and declared this to be "the best!" Who knew backyard camping held so much potential? Plus camping with a nearby dishwasher, bathroom, and washing machine...the benefits are endless!
As an added bonus, we have a stocked pond within walking distance of our house, so we even added two trips to the pond on either end of our campout, to round out the camping experience:
aka, our first summer weekend.
Since this week marked the last day of kindergarten (sob, sob), we were ready for some summer fun!
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| Goodbye kindergarten! |
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| backyard camping! |
Our tent is what, 5 feet from the back of our house?
We cooked dinner, smores, and breakfast on our outdoor grill. We don't even own an outdoor table that seats more than two, but look what can be done with a little creativity and logs we've yet to take care of. And if you look closely, you will see that while Daddy was setting up the tent, Nolan decided to paint his face and clothes with chalk.
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| Faux cookout |
(By the way, the deep looking woods are not our backyard. It ends right behind the boys, who are not too many feet away from the tent.)
Despite how pathetic this all sounds, the boys climbed into the tent after a very, very fun evening and declared this to be "the best!" Who knew backyard camping held so much potential? Plus camping with a nearby dishwasher, bathroom, and washing machine...the benefits are endless!
As an added bonus, we have a stocked pond within walking distance of our house, so we even added two trips to the pond on either end of our campout, to round out the camping experience:
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| N makes a catch! |
Here's to more summer adventures! My favorite season has officially arrived!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Proud Momma
There are certain moments I do not want to forget in life. (Others, like most of my week and my miserable failings to be anything but patient, are welcome to dissipate from my memory.)
But this moment, the one I want etched in my memory and blog, is my five year old begging me to tell him again and again and again and again my short description of his soccer success.
"I am so proud of you," I tell him as we lay in bed. I'm sure he needs to hear those words. Just a few hours earlier I was berating him for picking on his little brother, for whining, for not listening. His little soul is desperate for a proud mommy.
"Every time someone from the other team would be running towards the soccer goal, you would zoom ahead and stop them."
He beams. "Talk about that again," he requests.
I say it again. "The team would be running towards the goal and all of a sudden - boom - there would be super speedy Chuck to stop them from scoring."
He's radiant. "Can you tell me about that some more."
What else is there to tell? But I humor him and tell him yet again: "I saw the other team going for the goal but then before I knew it - whoa - there you would be running so fast to stop the ball!"'
He's nearly delirious with pride. His soccer medal he has declared is going to school with him tomorrow is next to his bed and his coach's award of best defensive player is still echoing through his ears.
Who knew one sentence could hold so much power? His requests continues. I tire of telling him long before he tires of hearing it and I finally need to kiss his forehead and say goodnight.
I'm reminded tonight of the power of life affirming words. They slip so easily down my throat rather than out my mouth and I rob the people around me of life giving strength.
"The power of the tongue is life and death" Proverbs 18:21. I know better than to hope to have a completely tamed tongue. But I whisper now a prayer to offer life, not death, to those around me.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
What I Like about You
An old college friend showed up with moving boxes to my city just two weeks ago. I consider it nothing less than a divine gift.
Mid conversation she, more than once, starts her sentences
"You know what I like about you..."
Who does that? Just looks for the best in people and calls it out in them. Lucky me to be on the receiving end. Just yesterday she even extended that gift to my son.
My mom tells the story of visiting an out of state friend as a young mom. Instead of playing the comparison game, her friend Kathy ticked off a list of women in her life with labels like "wonderful", "empathetic," "great mother," etc. In my mom's world of comparison games, this was a new thing and a breath of fresh air. The story has stuck with me.
This last week and a half lots of my favorites mark another calendar year of growing older. What's a birthday if not a chance to tell someone what you like about them?
I have lots of people to celebrate:
my favorite youngest son , I celebrate all that makes him him here.
my one and only favorite mom, who's incredibly gifted at creating family traditions and memories. Lucky for me, she puts family first like it's nobody's business.
my favorite fellow Jacobs High School Graduate, she's witty, blunt, and extremely loyal. She is a friend who shows up at hospitals and funerals when no one else does.
my favorite aforementioned Grand Rapids resident, who admits to finding something she likes in people, regardless. I envy such an awesome trait. She's more free of pretense than anyone I know.
my favorite Texas resident (not to be mistaken for a Texan), who's real, funny, vulnerable, and simply fabulous. I miss our long chats and her delicious cookies.
and my favorite of friends, who has claimed that title for the last fifteen years.
In the entirety of our friendship, I'm grateful for a friend who lets me be me as I let her be her. There have been seasons we have had to navigate making different choices and how we could still cheer each other on despite. We are overwhelmingly similar in some areas and drastically different in others. Somehow she has been able to celebrate my differences like they're amazing gifts.
This is for her, to celebrate her 30th. Granted, she is quite easy to call out the best in so I'll take advantage of such easy subject matter to practice on.
Sarah, you know what I like about you? I like that you:
1. Have triple my energy in that one body of yours
2. Bring baked goods anywhere and everywhere
3. Know me well
4. Put others needs before your own
5. Always look cute
6. Love life
7. Whip up a home cooked meal like it required no effort at all
8. Get me
9. Rejoice when others rejoice and mourn when other mourn, better than anyone I know
10. Are a gift giver
11. Never run out of words :)
12. Call me out on things and don't let me wallow
13. Are beyond organized ("E+")
14. Bring things up if they are bugging you and don't let them simmer
15. Are an absolutely incredible mom
16. Have been my biggest cheerleader the last 15 years
17. Show up
18. Have an uncanny ability of creating and keeping traditions
19. Celebrate the little moments of life
20. React with genuine enthusiasm to the people in your life
21. AND while opening gifts. You could open toilet paper and be thrilled
22. Know what truly matters in life
23. Run a household more smoothly than I've ever witnessed
24. Model doing family life well
25. Chose not to let consumerism and materialism take part in your life
26. Love the Lord
27. Feel life deeply
28. Know how to be a true friend
29. Are always growing and calling women in your life to grow too
30. Love me regardless
HAPPY 30th.
Mid conversation she, more than once, starts her sentences
"You know what I like about you..."
Who does that? Just looks for the best in people and calls it out in them. Lucky me to be on the receiving end. Just yesterday she even extended that gift to my son.
My mom tells the story of visiting an out of state friend as a young mom. Instead of playing the comparison game, her friend Kathy ticked off a list of women in her life with labels like "wonderful", "empathetic," "great mother," etc. In my mom's world of comparison games, this was a new thing and a breath of fresh air. The story has stuck with me.
This last week and a half lots of my favorites mark another calendar year of growing older. What's a birthday if not a chance to tell someone what you like about them?
I have lots of people to celebrate:
my favorite youngest son , I celebrate all that makes him him here.
my one and only favorite mom, who's incredibly gifted at creating family traditions and memories. Lucky for me, she puts family first like it's nobody's business.
my favorite fellow Jacobs High School Graduate, she's witty, blunt, and extremely loyal. She is a friend who shows up at hospitals and funerals when no one else does.
my favorite aforementioned Grand Rapids resident, who admits to finding something she likes in people, regardless. I envy such an awesome trait. She's more free of pretense than anyone I know.
my favorite Texas resident (not to be mistaken for a Texan), who's real, funny, vulnerable, and simply fabulous. I miss our long chats and her delicious cookies.
and my favorite of friends, who has claimed that title for the last fifteen years.
In the entirety of our friendship, I'm grateful for a friend who lets me be me as I let her be her. There have been seasons we have had to navigate making different choices and how we could still cheer each other on despite. We are overwhelmingly similar in some areas and drastically different in others. Somehow she has been able to celebrate my differences like they're amazing gifts.
This is for her, to celebrate her 30th. Granted, she is quite easy to call out the best in so I'll take advantage of such easy subject matter to practice on.
Sarah, you know what I like about you? I like that you:
1. Have triple my energy in that one body of yours
2. Bring baked goods anywhere and everywhere
3. Know me well
4. Put others needs before your own
5. Always look cute
6. Love life
7. Whip up a home cooked meal like it required no effort at all
8. Get me
9. Rejoice when others rejoice and mourn when other mourn, better than anyone I know
10. Are a gift giver
11. Never run out of words :)
12. Call me out on things and don't let me wallow
13. Are beyond organized ("E+")
14. Bring things up if they are bugging you and don't let them simmer
15. Are an absolutely incredible mom
16. Have been my biggest cheerleader the last 15 years
17. Show up
18. Have an uncanny ability of creating and keeping traditions
19. Celebrate the little moments of life
20. React with genuine enthusiasm to the people in your life
21. AND while opening gifts. You could open toilet paper and be thrilled
22. Know what truly matters in life
23. Run a household more smoothly than I've ever witnessed
24. Model doing family life well
25. Chose not to let consumerism and materialism take part in your life
26. Love the Lord
27. Feel life deeply
28. Know how to be a true friend
29. Are always growing and calling women in your life to grow too
30. Love me regardless
HAPPY 30th.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Happy Birthday, Nolan Brady!
Oh Nolan,
Before you arrived I anticipated my heart would stretch a bit to accommodate loving two from my womb. I never imagined how it would bubble up to the top and flood over the sides. Nolan Brady, I can not even express the joy you bring to our family and how thrilled I am that you arrived three years ago today.
Since about the time your muscles learned to smile, you've been grinning ear to ear.
Auntie Sarah named you Mr. Congeniality of the family. Is it any wonder why?!
You redefined terrible twos as terrific twos. It's not that you never have your tired and whiny days, but more often than not, you are bursting with love and gratitude for life. You have taught me the power of "thank you." I wish I could claim credit, but in this case, you have been the teacher, with your ever enthusiastic and unprompted thank yous.
Nana describes you as a lover. It fits perfectly. Like a few nights ago when you came down the stairs at bedtime to tell Daddy you needed to give him one more giant hug then back you went to bed. Or how you constantly tell both of us you love us "berry, berry buch " (because rhyming is currently your favorite joke). You respond with utmost enthusiasm to seeing people you love, like the last time I told you would see Maddy: "Yes! We get to see MADDY! I LOVE Maddy! She is my FAVORITE friend!"
I don't know how two introverted parents produced a social butterfly, but you are it. You have decided the college student you have met twice at Daddy's games is your friend. She became your "friend" after you stood there grinning slyly waiting for someone in the stands to notice you and smile back. You love smiling at the people at the grocery store, and you will tell the bank teller about your entire weekend if given the chance.
You like to get the crowd to laugh, something I have no ability to relate to. This is hilarious to watch in someone too young to know how to crack a joke. You do a spin move and look for a reaction from a friend of mine you've just met. You string rhyming words together or make up a nonsense song. You dance for the crowd in the baseball stands.
Welcome to three, Nolan Brady. So glad I get to be a witness to everything that makes you you.
We love you, all the way to the moon and back (a zillion times).
Before you arrived I anticipated my heart would stretch a bit to accommodate loving two from my womb. I never imagined how it would bubble up to the top and flood over the sides. Nolan Brady, I can not even express the joy you bring to our family and how thrilled I am that you arrived three years ago today.
Since about the time your muscles learned to smile, you've been grinning ear to ear.
Auntie Sarah named you Mr. Congeniality of the family. Is it any wonder why?!
Nana describes you as a lover. It fits perfectly. Like a few nights ago when you came down the stairs at bedtime to tell Daddy you needed to give him one more giant hug then back you went to bed. Or how you constantly tell both of us you love us "berry, berry buch " (because rhyming is currently your favorite joke). You respond with utmost enthusiasm to seeing people you love, like the last time I told you would see Maddy: "Yes! We get to see MADDY! I LOVE Maddy! She is my FAVORITE friend!"
 |
I don't know how two introverted parents produced a social butterfly, but you are it. You have decided the college student you have met twice at Daddy's games is your friend. She became your "friend" after you stood there grinning slyly waiting for someone in the stands to notice you and smile back. You love smiling at the people at the grocery store, and you will tell the bank teller about your entire weekend if given the chance.
You like to get the crowd to laugh, something I have no ability to relate to. This is hilarious to watch in someone too young to know how to crack a joke. You do a spin move and look for a reaction from a friend of mine you've just met. You string rhyming words together or make up a nonsense song. You dance for the crowd in the baseball stands.
Welcome to three, Nolan Brady. So glad I get to be a witness to everything that makes you you.
We love you, all the way to the moon and back (a zillion times).
Monday, April 15, 2013
Signs of Spring
Mid April and we've been peering for signs of spring for much longer than I imagined we would be. They are arriving slowly. We rush to the window for the orange belly in our yard, as Nolan reminds us Robin is also who he dressed as two Halloween's ago. In a few brave places flowers have risked peeking out in search of the sun, who as of late, has still been in hiding.
"Does anyone see any signs of spring," I call out as we drive down the road. "There's no snow," C says. Seeing as it is April, that is a start. A slow start, but a start nonetheless.
I check my heart too, and I find more often than I care to admit a chill I hoped would have softened by now, this late into spring. Signs of change yet, Lord? Birth new things in me, I whisper.
My gratitude tree, which begun with high hopes, has been ignored entirely, still displaying March's Easter eggs and gratitude spoken another day, a moment other than today. I chalk it up as part of my "INFP-ness," particularly the "P" which, translated, means I am much better at thinking of new ideas than implementing them. But truth be told, "P" or not, I need this. I need the daily habit of gratitude.
I sometimes expect flowers to bloom, fruit to appear, with ease. I easily forget flowers bear testimony to planting done in an earlier season.
"Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant - a seed - this plants the giant miracle." Ann Voskamp writes as she practices the planting.
Out of nowhere we had a delightful rush of warmth and my boys are dipping toes in Grandma's yet clean pool, yanking off wet pants and opting to go not only barefoot but pants-less.
No matter how late in the season, the warm days always sweep in with grace and wash away bitterness of a long winter with their wonder.
I speak my seeds of gratitude out loud now as I type, letting a few of the words fall through my stubbornly clenched jaw. Gripe is always my default, but I know if I don't hold out my seeds I will miss the wonder of them blossoming when grace sweeps through.
I don't want to miss the wonder. Oh Lord, let me not be too stubborn to miss the wonder.
"Does anyone see any signs of spring," I call out as we drive down the road. "There's no snow," C says. Seeing as it is April, that is a start. A slow start, but a start nonetheless.
I check my heart too, and I find more often than I care to admit a chill I hoped would have softened by now, this late into spring. Signs of change yet, Lord? Birth new things in me, I whisper.
My gratitude tree, which begun with high hopes, has been ignored entirely, still displaying March's Easter eggs and gratitude spoken another day, a moment other than today. I chalk it up as part of my "INFP-ness," particularly the "P" which, translated, means I am much better at thinking of new ideas than implementing them. But truth be told, "P" or not, I need this. I need the daily habit of gratitude.
I sometimes expect flowers to bloom, fruit to appear, with ease. I easily forget flowers bear testimony to planting done in an earlier season.
"Gratitude for the seemingly insignificant - a seed - this plants the giant miracle." Ann Voskamp writes as she practices the planting.
Out of nowhere we had a delightful rush of warmth and my boys are dipping toes in Grandma's yet clean pool, yanking off wet pants and opting to go not only barefoot but pants-less.
No matter how late in the season, the warm days always sweep in with grace and wash away bitterness of a long winter with their wonder.
I speak my seeds of gratitude out loud now as I type, letting a few of the words fall through my stubbornly clenched jaw. Gripe is always my default, but I know if I don't hold out my seeds I will miss the wonder of them blossoming when grace sweeps through.
I don't want to miss the wonder. Oh Lord, let me not be too stubborn to miss the wonder.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Winter's Last (& Hot Chocolate Recipe!)
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,
and when a good five inches of snow show up on your doorstep just a few hours before the first day of Spring, go sledding. Equal motivation to my "make the most of it" attitude was some well deserved mommy guilt hearing that a friend took her 6 month old and 23 month old sledding this past winter. Nolan? He's approaching three and never been. Inspired that she could pull it off, I added it to my mental "bucket list" for next year, thinking we were done with snow. Well, I was obviously wrong. Off to the snow hill we went.
I dragged my camera through the snow, risked freezing fingers to try to take a blog-worthy shot, only to find out I was out of batteries.
So, the event now photo-less, I will let my boys retell you, in their own words, what sledding was like. Let's just say, we didn't make it down the hill more than three times. It was cold, windy, snowing, and somewhat miserable, albeit an accomplished we-did-it kind of fun miserable.
But we made lemonade! (out of life, that is.) In actuality, we made hot chocolate. Never knew it was so simple!
We used:
and when a good five inches of snow show up on your doorstep just a few hours before the first day of Spring, go sledding. Equal motivation to my "make the most of it" attitude was some well deserved mommy guilt hearing that a friend took her 6 month old and 23 month old sledding this past winter. Nolan? He's approaching three and never been. Inspired that she could pull it off, I added it to my mental "bucket list" for next year, thinking we were done with snow. Well, I was obviously wrong. Off to the snow hill we went.
I dragged my camera through the snow, risked freezing fingers to try to take a blog-worthy shot, only to find out I was out of batteries.
So, the event now photo-less, I will let my boys retell you, in their own words, what sledding was like. Let's just say, we didn't make it down the hill more than three times. It was cold, windy, snowing, and somewhat miserable, albeit an accomplished we-did-it kind of fun miserable.
But we made lemonade! (out of life, that is.) In actuality, we made hot chocolate. Never knew it was so simple!
We used:
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk
- 1/2 cup of cocoa
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 6 1/2 cups hot water
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Superheroes
For my brother, who excels as both a brother and a superhero
I can't say my season of mothering leaves room for me to accomplish much in the department of crafting or creating. Which is why I am proud to say, thanks to my mom's help with her silhouette cutter, that I accomplished creating this:
I can't say my season of mothering leaves room for me to accomplish much in the department of crafting or creating. Which is why I am proud to say, thanks to my mom's help with her silhouette cutter, that I accomplished creating this:
My five year old's response: "No it's not" as in "No it's not better to be a brother than a superhero." Ha! What can I say? In his five year old world, nothing is better than being a superhero.
Maybe his wisdom is better than mine and being a superhero does trump all.
This evening as I put him to bed he was off in superhero world again, doing the impossible. Only this time it had something to do with making houses for the Guatemalans without homes and instead of being paid to build, he would pay them (the Guatemalans). I am not taking his words for granted. Because to raise supermen is to raise my son to be this hero he currently dreams of being.
Oh, I know that last weekend when Grandpa asked him what he would do with a million dollars he said buy all the toys in the world. And that's okay, he's five. But later that same day, after viewing pictures of Grandpa's trip to the slums of Guatemala, my five year old declared that if he were a superhero he would give each of the people $100. I want to grab that dream, grow it, water it.
"Grandpa is a real superhero because he really is giving his money to those people who don't have a home," I told him.
"And Uncle Steven is a superhero with his job trying to help the poor people find a job somewhere other than the garbage dumps."
I am not exactly sure what sank in but he announced tonight that:
"I told my class that my uncle lives in the garbage dump." Weellll, not exactly. But almost.
"Why do they live there," he wanted to know. "Why did the dogs and birds want the garbage too?" And on went his questions tonight. (Which were actually easier to address than the ethics conversation we had early this evening surrounding the army tank we drove by and why people would kill other people. Yikes. I think we have entered a new season of curiosity about how the world works).
Nolan, on the other hand, too innocent to need an ethics lesson, simply wanted to add to the conversation that "Me and Chuck and Uncle Steven live in superhero world and Uncle Steven flies."
That he does, Nolan, that he does. Innocently spoken, profoundly true.
There might not be a red cape behind him, but he is soaring just the same.
And if my boys could catch just some of the vision of what it means to be a true superhero in the sense of serving the poor, I would consider my job as a momma well done.
"Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked" - Psalm 82:4
If that isn't a call and a chance to live out a boy's childhood dreams of fighting the bad guys and rescuing the downtrodden, I don't know what is.
If you want to "Follow" me
Yikes, I felt like I was stealing Jesus' words with that title for as second.
This is just for my peeps who are telling me they keep checking to see if I have written. Which, no, I have not.
But I added a "follow me by email button" so now you can submit your email just above and not have to wonder if I am blogging or painting my downstairs bathroom during my evenings instead. It's been the latter lately, if you were still wondering. It's blue. And still not done. So just don't have too high of expectations of my blogging production at this point. Although, if you have any suggestions of how to get old wood paneling to stick to the wall, you may hear from me on my blog sooner rather than later.
This is just for my peeps who are telling me they keep checking to see if I have written. Which, no, I have not.
But I added a "follow me by email button" so now you can submit your email just above and not have to wonder if I am blogging or painting my downstairs bathroom during my evenings instead. It's been the latter lately, if you were still wondering. It's blue. And still not done. So just don't have too high of expectations of my blogging production at this point. Although, if you have any suggestions of how to get old wood paneling to stick to the wall, you may hear from me on my blog sooner rather than later.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
For the Record
"I was grumbling out loud about shoveling our driveway," says my husband a couple of weeks ago after coming in from the cold, "when I realized how great it is that we have a driveway." (after condo living for the length of our marriage, we are first time driveway owners) "So I'm not going to grumble about having to shovel, I'm going to be glad we get to."
Because he's that kind of guy.
I've since been in charge of shoveling and also in charge of adopting his attitude.
By a series of miracles, after many years of living in a cramped space (800 sq ft to be exact) with us and two kids, we find ourselves in Michigan with my husband’s dream job and my house I never thought to dream of because it was so far from what I imagined was possible from my view at 800 sq ft.
So now that we are here, much more sq ft later, I desperately want to savor the “this is amaazing” view. Because I know soon enough I will forget what it felt like to see my entire house from the love seat (because an actual couch was too long to fit in our living room.) And what was once new will seem annoyingly out of date.
Without choosing my vantage point, driveways will easily become be an annoying shoveling necessity rather than a gift for boys to ride bikes up and down and extra space will be come a drag to clean.
So I am putting a stake in the ground and choosing otherwise.
For the record, I am choosing to not complain about any of the inconveniences that come with our upgrade. I’m not going to complain about having to walk up and down flights of stairs to do laundry. I am not going to groan when our bathroom leaks again. I'm going to count my blessing as I rake leaves in my yard because I have a yard.
Since we have been married we haven’t had cable (I know, I know - ridiculous, anormal us). So I always found it ironic when people would groan about the cable being out and needing the cable guy. Which sounded eerily familiar to my recent groan about the repair man re-returning to fix our gorgeous new bathroom.
Pity you for having cable. Pity me for my nice new bathroom.
So, should you happen to hear a squeak of a whine or a full blown moan over the difficulties of living in a gorgeous, old, fixer-upper house, please, call me on it. I mean it.
Because he's that kind of guy.
I've since been in charge of shoveling and also in charge of adopting his attitude.
By a series of miracles, after many years of living in a cramped space (800 sq ft to be exact) with us and two kids, we find ourselves in Michigan with my husband’s dream job and my house I never thought to dream of because it was so far from what I imagined was possible from my view at 800 sq ft.
So now that we are here, much more sq ft later, I desperately want to savor the “this is amaazing” view. Because I know soon enough I will forget what it felt like to see my entire house from the love seat (because an actual couch was too long to fit in our living room.) And what was once new will seem annoyingly out of date.
Without choosing my vantage point, driveways will easily become be an annoying shoveling necessity rather than a gift for boys to ride bikes up and down and extra space will be come a drag to clean.
So I am putting a stake in the ground and choosing otherwise.
For the record, I am choosing to not complain about any of the inconveniences that come with our upgrade. I’m not going to complain about having to walk up and down flights of stairs to do laundry. I am not going to groan when our bathroom leaks again. I'm going to count my blessing as I rake leaves in my yard because I have a yard.
Since we have been married we haven’t had cable (I know, I know - ridiculous, anormal us). So I always found it ironic when people would groan about the cable being out and needing the cable guy. Which sounded eerily familiar to my recent groan about the repair man re-returning to fix our gorgeous new bathroom.
Pity you for having cable. Pity me for my nice new bathroom.
So, should you happen to hear a squeak of a whine or a full blown moan over the difficulties of living in a gorgeous, old, fixer-upper house, please, call me on it. I mean it.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Winter in the Gardens
Last month I determined to befriend Winter. I am surprised to admit, these many weeks later, that I actually have been liking the season. I don't know if it has been my determination to notice Winter's gifts or the fact that the snow that has been on the ground the last three weeks straight keeping the days from becoming too gray. Either way, I'll savor the enjoyment while I can.
Today the boys and I went for an adventure at Meijer Gardens. Bird Watching, snow catching, ice sculpting, hot chocolate, wood carving toy makers, cozy indoor storytime, and making bird feeders. What wasn't there to love? (Besides my frozen fingers).
And we even peeked at what spring will hold in just a few short weeks - lots of chrysalis' waiting to hatch into the indoor gardens. Do come visit us in March or April to see them hatched!
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